I saw something on CNN today about Facebook addiction, and I immediately stopped breathing. The story was about people who neglect their real social lives in favor of the fantasy of online personas. Examples were given of couples who had been driven apart by one person’s addiction to Facebook, particularly when the Facebook enthusiast meets someone online (or reconnects with an old boyfriend/girlfriend from Way Back When) and becomes more interested in that person than in his/her current partner.
Since two of my three long-term relationships have expressed concern over how much I’m on my computer, I was intrigued by the discussion, and paid very close attention.
I went and read the full article online, having only caught a glimpse of the video on TV this morning before work. Sure enough, there was some juicy stuff in there! There was even a great quiz:
You know you’re a Facebook addict when …
1. You lose sleep over Facebook
“If you’re staying up late at night because you’re on Facebook, and you’re tired the next day, Facebook may be a compulsion for you,” Lipari said. “You shouldn’t be neglecting yourself because of Facebook.”
2. You spend more than an hour a day on Facebook
Pile says it’s hard to pinpoint exactly how much is too much time to be spending on social networking.
“I can’t imagine that anyone would need more than an hour a day on Facebook, and probably no one needs more than 30 minutes,” she said.
3. You become obsessed with old loves
Reconnecting with old friends is one of the great attractions of Facebook, and there’s nothing necessarily wrong with “friending” an old boyfriend or girlfriend. But Pile warns that it can get out of hand very quickly.
“One of my clients met up with an old boyfriend on Facebook. They started spending hours and hours into the night talking to each other on Facebook. She made some really inappropriate comments about how unhappy she was in her marriage,” Pile said. “Her cousin saw the comments and told her parents, and the parents told the husband, and now they’re in the process of getting divorced.”
4. You ignore work in favor of Facebook
“If you’re not doing your job in order to sneak time on Facebook, you could have a real problem,” Lipari said.
5. The thought of getting off Facebook leaves you in a cold sweat
Sarah Browne, who writes the Guru of New blog, gave up Facebook for Lent last month when she realized that she had a “mild” addiction to the site. She’s come up with “Seven Signs You May Be Ready for a Social Media Detox.”
Pile has her own quick test: “Try going a day without Facebook. If you find it causes you a lot of stress and anxiety, you really need to get some help.”
Well, I started getting concerned… I spend a LOT of time on Facebook over the course of a day. Before I go to work in the morning, I’m usually on for a few minutes checking my friends’ updates. I get txt msgs when certain friends update their status (not everyone, as I quickly became overwhelmed… so now I use the rule of thumb that if I’m not likely to call them if it’s really interesting or alarming, I don’t bother to get the txt msg updates) I’ll usually check in on the the iPhone Facebook app while I’m eating lunch, if I’m eating alone. And naturally, I logon when I get home to see the full list of updates that I didn’t spend the time on earlier.
Okay, that’s a bit extreme.
Still, I don’t lose SLEEP over Facebook… I don’t obsess over old friends or lovers on Facebook… and my new job is certainly keeping me too busy to fool around on Facebook all day. But yes, I spend more than an hour a day on it… and I do sorta lose it when Facebook is unavailable.
So with that in mind, I decided to take the FULL test that was linked in the CNN.com article. This is created by a psychologist named Paula Pile, who specializes in “relationships and personal growth” and does workshops, seminars, etc. Granted, it’s geared towards relationship issues, so those without a current spouse/partner may find that it doesn’t have as much value… But it was interesting nonetheless.
I’ll reveal my score at the bottom :)
The Facebook Compulsion Inventory
Directions: Please circle your answer to each of the questions using the following scale:
1. Very Untrue. 2. Somewhat Untrue. 3. Neither True nor Untrue. 4. Somewhat True. 5. Very True.
1. I spend more time on Facebook than I intend to. 1 2 3 4 5
2. I feel anxious and upset when I cannot access my Facebook page. 1 2 3 4 5
3. I have more in common with the people I chat with on Facebook than I have with my spouse or partner. 1 2 3 4 5
4. I find myself neglecting some of my work responsibilities because of time I spend on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
5. Sometimes I lose sleep because of the time I spend on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
6. I have developed romantic feelings for someone I have reconnected with on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
7. Spending time on Facebook with my Facebook friends is more pleasant than the time I spend with my spouse. 1 2 3 4 5
8. I lie to others about what I talk to friends about on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
9. I feel excited and energized when I access my Facebook page. 1 2 3 4 5
10. I would feel sad and depressed if Facebook ceased to exist. 1 2 3 4 5
11. I have concealed conversations that I have on Facebook from my partner. 1 2 3 4 5
12. I would not want my spouse or partner to be my Facebook friend. 1 2 3 4 5
13. I need to make sure that I have access to my Facebook page on vacations. 1 2 3 4 5
14. I feel that others would think less of me if they could see my private messages on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
15. Others have complained about the amount of time I spend on Facebook. 1 2 3 4 5
SCORING
15-30 You probably enjoy using Facebook, however it is unlikely that it is causing major issues in your relationship.
31- 45 You obviously enjoy using Facebook and it is most likely an important part of your life, but it is probably not controlling you.
46-60 Your Facebook use is quite possibly excessive. You may be experiencing some difficulties in your life and relationships as a result of your Facebook use. You may want to consider ways to reconnect and connect with your family and friends that do not involve Facebook. If you continue to find yourself using Facebook as a major way to meet your emotional and social needs, it is important that you put more time back into your primary relationships outside of Facebook, or seek professional help.
60-75 Your Facebook use appears to be compulsive. It would most likely be helpful to seek a professional therapist to help you sort out the role Facebook plays in your life.
Copyright 2009
Paula Pile MA, LMFT, LPA
So my score, ladies and gentlemen, was 37. Which means an average score of 2.47 per question, just under halfway on the 1-5 scale. Working in my favor is the fact that none of my Facebook interactions are secretive — I don’t mind my boyfriend seeing anything I do on there, and don’t need to hide what I say to whom. I may overuse it like mad, but it’s not driving me down the path of lies, deceit, and infidelity.
So there.
C’mon now, fess up — what’s your score? Comment below!
I have never been on Facebook, but I’ve received invitations from an ex- of mine, and chosen to ignore them. I will admit to twittering (tweeting?) on a pretty regular basis now, but people from my past are exactly that: from my past. I’ve been with one person now for 12 years, and I’m happy with that. I don’t feel any need to go digging up skeletons.
All of the above describe me 1st getting onto the Internet many, many years ago… I’d go on-line and the next thing I knew, the sun was coming up, and I’d had NO sleep before having to go to work. (This was back in the late 80′s and early 90′s, before an actual picture could be posted to a single message!!)
My partner & I met on-line, and while I don’t really recommend that, all I can say is, WOW. We’re still together and having great lives, 12 years later.
Enjoy your Facebook, cuz. You’re awesome and you know I always love ya!! Just don’t let it take up your life is all.
[...] to do when my partner spends too much time online” brought them to my entry entitled, “Addiction” and got me [...]