A new friend shocked the rest of us sitting around the table yesterday when she admitted that her phone doesn’t receive txt msgs, and that she just doesn’t understand the craze.
We stared at her, dumbfounded. You’d have thought her cellphone had a rotary dial and a big curly white cord coming out the bottom, so great was our amazement.
This isn’t some old-fashioned retired technophobe in her golden years, either. She’s a vibrant young woman in her twenties with a Master’s degree and a job in corporate America. She just doesn’t understand why you wouldn’t rather simply pick up the phone and call someone.
Naturally, this touched off a lively conversation.
For me, and a lot of people I know, txt msging provides the same type of convenience as sending an Instant Message on the computer. It’s quick, it’s easy, and it allows people to converse at their own speed. When you’re on the phone or having a face-to-face conversation, you expect the other person to answer you immediately and to be focused on you. Text communication, on the other hand, lets you interact with multiple people at once, and respond to statements or questions a few moments later when time permits.
I think the value of this seems more intuitive for people who communicate this way at work. People with jobs like mine will spend all day with a telephone headset on, talking to colleagues all over the country/world, while sending Instant Messages to a half-dozen people at any given time. When we leave work, the urge to continue that sort of frantic multitasking is nearly automatic, without conscious thought.
Granted, this can be disconcerting to people right in front of you, who may feel slighted at not being the focus of your attention. I think this is only going to get worse as the new generation grows up in a world of the Internet, txt msgs, and immediate long-range communication with friends all over. So how do we train our kids (and ourselves) to balance our multitasking lifestyle with more personal interaction?
Classical parental directives like “No txting at the dinner table, young man!” certainly aren’t going to do the trick. Being perceived as nagging by young people (or spouses or friends) will only build resentment towards the activities that take people away from their natural styles of communication. No, I think the challenge becomes showing the positive side of interpersonal communication, with a gentle reminder that one of the joys of electronic communication is that it will be waiting when you no longer have someone right in front of you.
I’m certainly as bad as most people when it comes to this, but I’ve been re-learning an appreciation for more direct conversation. I’ve made an effort to save txt msg responses for when I’m not in dialogue with someone face-to-face, unless there’s a time sensitive electronic message I need to deliver. Even then, I still explain briefly why I’m interrupting our “F2F” conversation, such as, “Excuse me while I answer so-and-so, he’s joining us and doesn’t know where to park.”
I’m also getting better about judging the right time and place to check my phone when it buzzes that I have a message waiting. You’re less likely these days to find me tapping out a txt msg while at the movies, driving, or (this is true) showering. I’m trying to be conscientious of the appropriateness of using my phone at any given moment.
Of course, that didn’t stop me from writing this entry on my phone while lying in bed, next to someone who was sleeping. I can’t just quit cold turkey, after all!
I think we’re going to have to develop new customs to accomadate changing patterns in behavior fueled by technological advancement. Frankly, I often feel like actual phone calls are intrusive. Why usurp somebody’s attention completely? I usually text somebody before I call them to ask if it’s a good time.
what sort of rotary cell phone does she own?…
I am so proud of you! I can tell that you have truly been making a conscious effort to put the phone away and pay attention to the people around you. It is a subtle way of saying to the person in front of you, “I care,” and that can really mean a lot.
Granted, if the person in front of you doesn’t know that you are ignoring a text mnessage right now, “I care,” doesn’t really come across very strongly. BUT – look at it this way….by answering a text, instead of giving someone your undivided attention, it’s like saying, “I don’t care,” and you don’t want to be THAT guy.
Now that you are back from vacation, I hope you keep it up!
Oh – and thanks for saying I was “a vibrant young woman in her twenties with a Master’s degree and a job in corporate America.” That made me sound like a real catch!