Inútil… Useless.

I came home this evening feeling completely useless, in an entirely self-centered and silly fashion.

A bunch of us planned to go see “Slut the Musical” tonight. A couple of friends of mine are in the show, and I’ve been very excited about seeing it. Tonight was “pay what you can night” and a few friends told me they were planning on going. So I decided I’d go, and asked around to see who else would be going… 

Long story short, they’re all in there seeing the show right now, and I’m not.

The show sold out quickly, and the friends that got there before me were able to get tickets. One of them was kind enough to try to txt msg me, but due to some weird snafu with either his carrier or mine, I didn’t get the message until AFTER I’d gotten home and the show had already started. Technology can be a BITCH when it fails to be instantaneously convenient.

On any given night, it wouldn’t be a big deal… But there are two things that made it especially frustrating tonight. First, there was some connection with ALL FOUR of my friends that got in. One of them exchanged txt msgs with me today about how much we missed one another. I invited another to join me for a happy hour event beforehand, but he never showed (the same one that tried unsuccessfully to txt me) A third had txted me earlier saying he didn’t think he was going to be able to go, but then apparently managed to work it out at the last minute. And the fourth one had a family crisis tonight, and I was completely ready to bail on everyone else to have a quiet evening with a bottle of wine, a DVD, and a lot of crying. And all four of them managed to get in there without me.

That’s really the second thing that makes this so frustrating… In a selfish and egotistical kind of way, I feel like I’m the reason the four of them are hanging out. Two different pairs of them knew each other from previous times in their lives, but didn’t hang out until I started inviting them to join me at things. And anyone who knows me well understands that I have a very selfish and insecure need to feel important, to feel like I’m needed by people… So being summarily shut out of the evening — EVEN THOUGH IT WAS NO-ONE’S FAULT — really made me feel useless. At least one of them was kind enough to come out and talk to me in the lobby for a bit.

Inútil… Useless.

But I talked to Mark for a bit on the drive home, and he was awesome. Despite me acknowledging that I was being cranky about NOTHING, he full-on went with it, acknowledged how I felt, and was sympathetic without pointing out how silly I was being. And then I talked to Sal, and he of course made me feel wonderful and special and needed.  

And then Thijson txted me with “What if God was one of us?” and demanded that I Halo with him. Always a good way to cheer me up.

Útil.  Useful.

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