I’m a know-it-all bastard. I have this annoying tendency to correct people when they speak or write, and have a special loathing for spelling errors. (It’s the 21st century – get a damned spellcheck on your computer!) And for Pete’s sake, stop using apostrophes to make words plural. I saw it on a restaurant menu recently and wanted to scream.

I also tend to point out everyone’s verbal tics. (I have my own, and my quest to overcome them has led me to observe others’) So when I saw an article online about overused words, and read about the recent fixation on the word “absolutely” among public figures, I couldn’t help but snicker.

Sal says “absolutely” more than any person I know. He’s especially fond of saying “absolutely” when describing people’s characteristics, such as “absolutely charming” or “absolutely wonderful.” And for the past couple of days, I’ve been quietly repeating the word “absolutely” to him each time he uses it. He laughs every time, and often tells me (with a goofy smile on his face) to shut up. He’s probably going to punch me before long.

I think for his birthday tomorrow, I will refrain from mocking him. Maybe.

It could be worse… I could be this guy:


6 Responses to Absolutely

  1. Missy says:

    Holy shit, I couldn’t agree more. I HATE spelling and grammatical errors! It’s especially funny when people make huge mistakes on applications and resumes. Hilarious.

  2. erin says:

    Lol- what the hell dumb word did I spell completely wrong and caught before you mocked me? Hey! It was before 10 am. Leave me alone!!

    I bet it drives you mad that I use ———– so much.

    Kevin- eat me.


  3. erin says:

    Kevin you absolutely suck. You no liek realy badly suck. You think you no everything butt you dont no any thing. I have spell check but I want you and youre boyfriend to half to work to understaind what it is I am saying.

  4. Anthony says:

    Nobodey like’s a gremmar nachi.

    I also have a particular dislike for know-it-alls. I simply cannot not tolerate their presence. Primarly becuase it impedes the efficacy of my own know-it-all-ness. I do not suffer them to share the same air whose oxygen is destined to fuel my own far more significant thoughts.

    Now excuse me, I must once again ascend the mountain so that I may meditate upon the peak of sublime and impeccable brilliance. But fear not, I shall return to serve my role as fount of knowledge for the huddled masses.

    SO much.

  5. Kevin M says:

    You should avoid teaching then. Some of the students I’ve taught cannot write a coherent sentence to save their lives. This is science, not English, but come on, I have to be able to figure out what you mean at least!

    Erin, that’s a good one… some of my students actually write like that… not on purpose! But I could still figure out what you wrote, so not quite down to the level I must deal with at times.

  6. Austin says:

    Dave Grossman did the parrot thing to me for a while, but with “like.” Try listening to how often people use it throughout the day. It will drive you like, absolutely nuts.

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