Kentucky Fried GatorUptown

Note to self… Spending a couple of weekends going whitewater rafting, a couple of weekends outside at Orlando theme parks, and four days outside on a cruise ship and in the Bahamas is a great way to build a base tan on your face, forearms, and legs.

But you’ll still be a pale white GatorUptown on your chest and biceps, because they were covered by a t-shirt each day. And you WILL get the worst sunburn of your life if you don’t consider that.

Yes, I was very confident that I didn’t need to worry about sunscreen for a short mid-afternoon dip in a friend’s pool. I was proud of the time I’d spent in the sun over the past few weeks, and the tan I’d achieved in the process. I grinned with pleasure at the compliments I got about my newly bronzed face and forearms.

Now I’m in a lot of pain, with shoulders and upper chest/arms that are an angry red, and seem ready to crack open all the way to the bone if I move too much, too fast.

In short, I’m a goddamned idiot. With a bright red upper-torso to complement my tan face and pale lower torso. (And, of course, a pale circle around my neck… The sun beat down on me from directly above at midday while I was in the pool, so my giant head shielded my neck from harm!)

I spent last night and all day today shirtless, slathering aloe lotion on my shoulders, chest, and arms. I’m a walking (slowly), talking (sometimes through gritted teeth, if I’ve managed to hit a burned area somehow) freak show.

Side-note: I am 99% certain that there is nothing on Earth like a concealed but agonizing sunburn (except possibly a fresh tattoo or other injury) that attracts enthusiastic bearhugs and boisterous claps on the back. Just sayin’.

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