A news article published last week announced the grand opening of Planned Parenthood’s new $8 billion “Abortionplex” facility, capable of terminating “one pregnancy every three seconds.” People took to Facebook with outrage, decrying the use of tax dollars on the horrifying new high-efficiency abortion complex.
Of course, the news was “announced” by The Onion, a fairly well known satire website… And even if it wasn’t, the content of the news article should have made it very clear that there’s no way it could possibly have been real, no matter your political, religious, moral, or ethical point of view. It apparently wasn’t obvious enough for many, however.
Check out the original article. See if any of these phrases strike you as just a little too shocking to be actual media descriptions of a building purportedly designed for mass-abortion:
- terminate unborn lives with an efficiency never before thought possible
- this new complex allows us to devote our full attention to what has always been our true passion: abortion
- under a banner emblazoned with Planned Parenthood’s new slogan, “No Life Is Sacred.”
- will ensure that women visiting the facility can be quickly fitted into stirrups without pausing to second-guess their decision or consider alternatives such as adoption
- on-site counselors are also available to meet with clients free of charge and go over the many ways that carrying a child to term will burden them and very likely ruin their lives
If that wasn’t enough, what about this quotation, allegedly from the president of Planned Parenthood?
“We really want abortion to become a regular part of women’s lives, especially younger women who have enough fertile years ahead of them to potentially have dozens of abortions,” said [Planned Parenthood president Cecile] Richards, adding that the Abortionplex would provide shuttle service to and from most residences, schools, and shopping malls in the region. “Our hope is for this facility to become a regular destination where a woman in her second trimester can whoop it up at karaoke and then kick back while we vacuum out the contents of her cervix.”
“All women should feel like they have a home at the Abortionplex,” Richards continued. “Whether she’s a high school junior who doesn’t want to go to prom pregnant, a go-getter professional who can’t be bothered with the time commitment of raising a child, or a prostitute who knows getting an abortion is the easiest form of birth control—all are welcome.”
And just for added measure, consider the likelihood that the media would actually run an patient’s quotation like this:
“I was kind of on the fence in the beginning,” she said. “But after a couple of margaritas and a ride down the lazy river they’ve got circling the place, I got caught up in the vibe. By the time it was over, I almost wished I could’ve aborted twins and gotten to stay a little longer.”
“I told my boyfriend we had to have sex again that very night,” Kolrath added. “I really want to come back over Labor Day.”
Seriously, how on Earth could anyone believe this was real?! And that’s before even considering the map of the alleged facility, with its day care center (“Young children can play in this supervised area while their unborn siblings are being terminated elsewhere in the facility”) and chapel (“Clergy from all major religions are on hand to persuade women to end their pregnancy the way God intended”) and Grove of Reflection (“Small wooded area where women can quietly contemplate how much better life will be once they’ve aborted their child.”)
I am STUNNED at how gullible people can be, as long as the stated nonsense coincides with their deeply-held beliefs. People are willing to believe just about any amount of outrageous things, as long as it’s about someone they don’t like or don’t agree with. (Case in point: the politically conservative anti-Obama people who actually believed that the President of the United States publicly bashed military veterans for whining about their health care costs for injuries incurred during active military service.)
Now, having said all of that… I don’t actually know that any of the Facebook updates quoted below are real. For all I know, this is all satyrical also, and I’m falling victim to the same ignorant finger-pointing as the people I’m blasting in the paragraphs above. I saw it on an article on Buzzfeed, but they got it from a site called Blame it on the Voices, so I’m not sure whether that’s legit or not… So, full disclaimer, I can’t verify the validity of this… But it certainly seems plausible enough.
But then, that’s probably what people who believed the original The Onion post thought, isn’t it?
Either way, here’s the collection of Facebook updates (whether they’re real or not) that got me so fired up on this topic:
Whether this is satyrical or not, it’s pretty funny, in a sad, sad way. Particularly when you see phrases like, “This is unbelievable” and “Women are sooooooooo stupid to fall for this” and “Dumb Dumb Dumb!!!” If those really are actual quotations from people posting this link on Facebook, then I think they’ve said all that needs to be said.