Have you noticed how many of the people who argue against same-sex marriage use the phrase “sanctity of marriage” and then go have affairs on their spouses, sometimes with anonymous sexual partners of the same gender? Well, a lightbulb went off when I read an intriguing apology from the gay community in Minnesota.
Apparently it’s all our fault. The gays drove them to it.
Senate Majority Leader Amy Koch from the Minnesota Senate made a big push for a constitutional amendment in Minnesota to define marriage as solely between a man and a woman (with the express intention of forbidding same-sex marriages, of course.) In the minds of conservative, usually religious (or religion-professing) politicians, if gays and lesbians are allowed to marry, it will threaten the holy sanctity of “traditional” marriage.
Apparently the state constitutional amendment — which will be voted on in the 2012 ballot — didn’t get here fast enough, because those pesky gays and lesbians have so undermined the sanctity of Koch’s marriage — just by being gay or lesbian, without being same-sex married yet — that Koch had no choice but to have an affair with a male staffer.
Yes, Mrs. “Sanctity of Marriage” herself not only strayed from her marriage, but did so with a subordinate, repeatedly, while both were employed by the state, being paid by state tax dollars. And it’s all the fault of those gay and lesbian couples who want to have a marriage of their own. Michael Brodkorb, who is presumed to be the male staffer with whom Koch admitted having an “inappropriate relationship,” also has a family at home from whom he strayed, thanks to the insidious gay and lesbian attack on his marriage.
Side-note: today is Michael Brodkorb’s 38th birthday. Happy birthday, Michael! Here’s your gift: lots and lots of free time, without all those pesky job requirements anymore. Now you get to be at home with your wife and kids… which is probably a really cozy environment to be in right now, I bet.
John Medeiros posted an open letter, on behalf of the gay community in Minnesota, apologizing to Mrs. Koch for instigating the collapse of her marriage. Here it is, for your reading pleasure:
An Open Apology to Amy Koch on Behalf of All Gay and Lesbian Minnesotans
Dear Ms. Koch,
On behalf of all gays and lesbians living in Minnesota, I would like to wholeheartedly apologize for our community’s successful efforts to threaten your traditional marriage. We are ashamed of ourselves for causing you to have what the media refers to as an “illicit affair” with your staffer, and we also extend our deepest apologies to him and to his wife. These recent events have made it quite clear that our gay and lesbian tactics have gone too far, affecting even the most respectful of our society.
We apologize that our selfish requests to marry those we love has cheapened and degraded traditional marriage so much that we caused you to stray from your own holy union for something more cheap and tawdry. And we are doubly remorseful in knowing that many will see this as a form of sexual harassment of a subordinate.
It is now clear to us that if we were not so self-focused and myopic, we would have been able to see that the time you wasted diligently writing legislation that would forever seal the definition of marriage as being between one man and one woman, could have been more usefully spent reshaping the legal definition of “adultery.”
Forgive us. As you know, we are not church-going people, so we are unable to fully appreciate that “gay marriage” is incompatible with Christian values, despite the fact that those values carry a biblical tradition of adultery such as yours. We applaud you for keeping that tradition going.
And finally, shame on us for thinking that marriage is a private affair, and that our marriage would have little impact on anyone’s family. We now see that marriage is more than that. It is an agreement with society. We should listen to the Minnesota Family Council when it tells us that marriage is about being public, which explains why marriages are public ceremonies. Never did we realize that it is exactly because of this societal agreement that the entire world is looking at you in shame and disappointment instead of minding its own business.
From the bottom of our hearts, we ask that you please accept our apology.
Now, the next time you gays and lesbians complain about not being able to get married in your state, or that your legally-recognized-in-your-state marriage isn’t recognized by the federal government, I want you to think about the impact that you could be having on innocent, devout, Christian conservative politicians like Amy Koch.